The Definative Spatula
Posted on April 18, 2011
My digging through Archive.org has paid off. Here's Lord Spatula, the Complete Tool with all formatting, stupid graphics and links to Crooks and Liars, Cruel Site of the Day, Metafilter and grudging respect from Orcinus intact.
Yes, relive one of the dumbest episodes of keyboard posturing in recent net history. Threats of violence, planning for actual violence, pimped out Kimbers, fat fucking rednecks, over-the-top snark, it's got it all.
Steve Crager doing "spirit fingers" with his dedicated wank hand.
And if you're bored with all that, why not entertain yourself with The Straight Dope:
Today the Net, Tomorrow the Jungles of Guyana. It's probably even more snarky and irrelevant.
April 18th, 2011 - 14:53
Ah, the classics. Awesome. The only one missing is fister. I haven’t read these in years. Thanks for killing most of my word day.
April 18th, 2011 - 14:57
Fister? You mean The Ben Burch Experience? That’s next up, you glutton for punishment.
Oh damn, The Straight Dope has a five year old link error that eliminates section 5. My lameness haunts me.
I really need fresh new kill to torture.
April 18th, 2011 - 17:32
*work
April 18th, 2011 - 17:37
“*work”
“ass work”? A Kurt Vonnegut reference? Or just a hobby?
April 18th, 2011 - 18:11
Correcting typo in earlier message: “Thanks for killing most of my *word* day.”
BTW, what do you mean link error in section 5? I have been able to get to and reread all of the original threads on the SDMB.
April 18th, 2011 - 18:14
Really? I’ll have to check, it seemed to skip a section. Or maybe I have early-onset Alzheimer’s. Which, you know, could be a good look for me.
April 18th, 2011 - 18:17
No, definitely goes from “Part 5: Working as a Fifth Columnist for Shari Lewis” to “Part 7: Moderation in Everything Except Moderation” and skips over “Part 6: Orson Wells In Charge of the Twinkies”
Son of a bitch.
April 18th, 2011 - 18:26
Hmmm, strange, the first third or so of sdmb_05.htm and sdmb_06.htm are the same but they then diverge. Buggy waybackmachine capture?
April 18th, 2011 - 18:31
Direct links to the original threads on SDMB work still.
April 18th, 2011 - 18:40
Eh, it’s all a happy ending. If you read The Straight Dope letters, neither Bodini, The Straight Dope or the Chicago Reader sued the hell out of me like they promised.
They promised! Doesn’t anyone have the courage of their litigious convictions anymore? Think of the lawyers and their kid’s braces.
Which is really disappointing. Can you imagine the discover on that fucking shit storm? I would have liked all that read into the public record just to prove to future dystopias that we had leisure time on abundance back here.
April 18th, 2011 - 18:52
I’m really glad you brought the Spatula page back. I had a very minor run in with that fat asshole myself a year or so ago and really, you can’t make fun of that guy enough for my liking.
Also, for those who may not have seen it yet, if you go to the Spatula page there’s links to some really fucking good artwork too. Brutal, incendiary stuff, and very well made. Nice job!
April 18th, 2011 - 20:09
Yeah, just a pointer though: If you’re the guy who did that art and you happen to have them on your Motorola Droid and you also happen to be meeting some broad for coffee, don’t show them to her.
Or, at least tell her you left the happy-crappy Hallmark stuff on your other phone.
Word, playa.
April 18th, 2011 - 20:19
Holy Fuck, kids, you know what’s in those graphics? My Jeebus art from the Internet Infidels “The Best Photoshop Thread Ever” which has some of the funniest implementations of “Smokin’ Jeebus” ever.
My God, that was truly a Golden Age. you tell your punk kids with their iPads and naturally occurring erections that people would go pages and pages doing variations on the same thing again and again and it got funnier and funnier, and they just won’t believe you.
This, sadly, is true: http://goo.gl/NYMRd
April 20th, 2011 - 16:16
Definitely an all time classic. I’m kind of surprised that Lard Spastula is still around. I figured by now he’d have expired due to morbid obesity , or sheer embarrassment . Thing is , it’s six years later , and not much has changed except the right has added perpetual victimhood at the hands of violent leftists to their repertoire of online douchebaggery.
I’d forgotten about Fister , the BBE , and the POAChers. That should provide for some cheap entertainment too. I haven’t gotten through the whole Straight Dope saga yet , but I hope you were nice enough to at least offer to buy them some new fainting couches on your way out.
July 12th, 2012 - 04:17
He is still around and today he is marking the 7th anniversary of the day when Mykeru didn’t make it all the way down to him, passed the gates etc…
I check his site every week or so, I really shouldn’t
November 24th, 2012 - 17:33
From reading some of the comments you are upsetting the right people for the right reasons. Weaklings that suck hungrilly on the tit of the orthodoxy are going to starve pretty soon – orthodoxies depend on the zeitgeist and as good old Bobby D. once wrote “The times they are a changing…” :)